It can be very upsetting to see someone you know stuck in a relationship and being abused.  If you are worried about someone, you can call one of the Helplines at the top of this page yourself.  They will listen to you and suggest ways in which you could help your friend or relative.

• See your friend on their own, not with their partner, as often
  as you can, and make sure that they know you are there for them.
  Listen to them, try to understand and take care not to blame them.
• Try telling them that you are worried about them, say why you
  are worried and ask if they want to talk to you about it.
• Never approach or challenge the abuser -this could put someone
  in more danger.
• Find out about where your friend can go for help and where to
  find more information – not so that you can tell your friend what
  to do, but so that you can help them to decide for themselves.
• Offer to go with them to see the doctor or solicitor or to make
  a report to the police.
• Try to help your friend to feel good about themselves. If their
  partner has been undermining them, their self esteem may be low.
  Let them know how much you care about them or tell them how much
  you appreciate their company – you know best what your friend
  might like to hear.
• Try to arrange social occasions that involve your friend without
  their partner, but without doing this obviously.
• Be aware that the abuser may try to undermine you and isolate
  your friend from any support network, for example the abuser might
  make it very difficult for your friend to go out or be rude to
  you if you visit.
• Always prioritise safety – yours and theirs. The abuser won’t
  appreciate you getting involved so be careful about what you do
  and where and when you do it. Have a look at the Safety Plan.

What to say if you are supporting someone who is being
abused

“It’s wrong and it’s not your fault – you don’t deserve this,
no-one should have to feel afraid of their partner or ex.”

“It’s illegal for your partner or ex-partner to do this.”

“You (or your children or neighbours) can always call 999
in an emergency or the police station or domestic violence unit.”

“If you want, you can leave now, whether it’s for a break
or for good – there are refuges you can go where you’ll be safe,
or you can stay with a friend or relative.”

“Whatever you decide to do, you can always talk to me. I do
care what happens.”